Imaginary Friends

hedgies

© KJ Hannah Greenberg, 2013

 

Invisible Hedgehogs, Imaginary Komodo Dragons, and Phantom Kangaroos


By midlife, most gals have earned the right to run with wolves. Some women, however, prefer the company of smaller, cuter beasts.

Critter swag available here.

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* The hedgies are invisible. There are enough of them to constitute an entire hibernaculum. When they are awake, they enjoy eating marshmallow fluff or shooting miniature meatballs, via slingshots, from the livingroom ceiling.

These tiny creatures love to slide down the banister in mismatched socks, to chew select bits from garbage cans and to otherwise provide Hannah's teenagers with excuses for fresh messes. What's more, the creatures kiss up to Hannah's husband, encouraging him to return to additional bouts of glorified code generation rather than to take out the garbage.

The hedgies have neither names nor numbers as they are accustomed to large and frequent litters and to parachuting off of the Greenberg rooftop porch in the company of motorcycle-riding lizards. It's also the case that given the nature of certain of their frequent expeditions into the unknown, they sometimes fail to return.

Without such muses, however, Hannah's writing would likely be stuck in frumpy mode and her essays would sound more like the drone of a rhetoric professor than the silliness of a mother who tries to to make sense out of her middle years by frying bananas and scallions together and by pushing the resistance level on her elliptical bike.

To wit, the hedgies are culpable for all manners of woodland beasts that populate her stories and for the assorted, intergalactic beings that peer out from her pages. No writer ought to be without such wonderful make-believe friends.
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* The Komodo dragon actually belongs to Older Dude, but elected to remain with the rest of the family when Older Dude went off to school. Given that he is nineteen feet long and has lethal saliva, he is low maintenance; he orders pizzas in order to snack on the delivery perons. Otherwise, he hunts random critters. His name, accoridngly, is Vladimir.

There are no stories, yet about Vladimir as he is a discriminating editor. For the time being, there are only stories about his distant relatives and about chimerea.
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* Nothing is known about the phantom kangaroos. Please report any citings.
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2013. Apr. "Ah, the Aardvark: Classifying Chaos in an Urban Zoo." Qarrtsiluni.

Work Featuring Hedgehogs:

2013. Nov. "Steps to Knowledge." Doorknobs and Bodypaint.
2013. Nov. "Of Hedgehogs, Komodo Dragons, and Other Anthropomorphized Friends." Whimsical Words.
2012. Jun. "An Investigation's Gestation." Winamop.
2011. Jun. "If Only They Could See Her Now." Freedom Fiction Journal.
2010. Aug. "Erinaceous Behavior." Flashes in the Dark.
2010. May. "Daisy Chains." Is Greater Than.
2009. Apr. "Illusionary is the Hedgehog's Strength: An Allegory." Bards and Sages. 5.
2008. Dec. " Female Troubles ." Static Movement.

Work Featuring Chimerea:

2012. Jun. "Replete with Fire Sleeve." Calliope. 24-26.
2011. Mar. "Professional Responsibilities." Bartleby Snopes
2010. Nov. "The Process of Becoming a Noncorporeal Being." Bewildering Stories.
2010. May. "Self-Conceit and the Befriending of a Chimera: Three Perspectives." Winamop.
2010. Feb. "Outcursed." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Nov. "Something More for the Fireplace." Winamop.
2009. Oct. "One Case of Flash." Theaker's Quarterly Fiction. 30:47-49.
2009. Aug. "Sales@liveperson." Glossolalia. 35-37.
2009. July. "Charles in the Tree Tops." Morpheus Tales. 40-41.
2009. May. "Mentally Incarcerated and Otherwise Locked Up." Static Movement.
2009. Feb. "Brutes." The New Absurdist.
2009. Jan. "First Response (Reactions to a Daylight Murder)." Getting Something Read.
2008. Oct. "Not an Imaginary Figment." 365 Tomorrows.

Work Featuring Komodo Dragons:

2012. Jul. "Confabulations and Covariates." (Part of The Midadventures of Jim-Jam O'Neilly). Fiction365.
2012. May. "Higher-than-Normal-Intensity Laser Canons." (Part of The Midadventures of Jim-Jam O'Neilly). Fiction 365.
2012. Mar. "Komodo Dragons, Neodymium Flakes, and English Teachers." (Part of The Midadventures of Jim-Jam O'Neilly). Fiction365.

Work Featuring Other Critters:

2013. Mar. "Amazing Deterrents." Bards & Sages Quarterly. 39-41.
2013. Mar. "Pigeons in Oakland." Chanticleer Magazine.
2013. Feb. "Here, Pingo Sits: Intragalactic Placement of Sentiment." Winamop.
2013. Jan. "Two Salutory Tales." Winamop.
2013. Jan. "Rerouting Talking Fish, Fidgety Parrots, and the Rest of the Menagerie." Natural Jewish Parenting.
2012. Dec. "On Not Believing the Merry-Go-Round's One-Eyed Horse." Spark!
2012. Aug. "Dratted Cat." Raphael's Village.
2012. Jul.  "Mini Might," and "The Koala Bear's Dilemma." Winamop.
2012. Jul.  "Another Dead Goldfish." Danse Macabre Dujour.
2011. Sep. "The Rule of Three." Pressboardpress. 
2011. Sep. "Fat Fish." 50 to 1.
2011. Aug. "Replacement Parts." Stanley the Whale.
2011. Jul. "(For Larina)The Lizard and the Dumpster Cats: An Allegory." Bards and Sages. 19-21.
2011. May. "Droving Away Unpleasantries." Danse Macabre.
2011. May. "Maneuvering the Facts around Strong Feelings." Bards and Sages Quarterly. 15. 
2011. May. "Calico Mirabelle." Pulp Metal Magazine.
2011. May. "Suboptimal." Bewildering Stories.
2011. Feb. "Jukim." "Middle Eastern Musings," The Jerusalem Post.
2010. Dec. "Kelev Liked to Suck the Marrow Best." Weirdyear.
2010. Nov. "First, Penguins Driving Mazdas." Dream People.
2010. Aug. "Guess my Vocation." Bewildering Stories.
2010. Jul. "Shuffling through Onion Grass: A Rhapsody about the Limits Family Can Impose on Xenography." Bewildering Stories.
2010. Apr. "Object du Jour." The Cat's Meow.
2010. Mar. "A Mother's Perspective. 51-53." Freedom Fiction Journal.
2010. Mar. "Sugar Ants." The Scrambler.
2010. Feb. "Terrorgator." 365 Tomorrows.
2009. Dec. "Powered by Gas." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Nov. "Betting on the Outfield." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Nov. "Goldie's Lie Over." Unlikely 2.0.
2009. Nov. "The Crystalline Chanticleer." Static Movement.
2009. Nov. "Taming Zebras." Soft Whispers Magazine. 16-17.
2009. Sep. "To be Millionaires, We'd have Gone into Dermatology." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Sep. "Buffaloberry and the Spacer." Winamop.
2009. Aug. "The Martian and the Potter." Freedom Fiction. 106-112.
2009. Aug. "That Thermochromatic Whatsit." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Apr. "Pattern Recognition." Wamack: A Journal of the Arts.
2009. Jan. "Secondhand Bizarre." Fictionville.
2008. Dec. "The Misguided Traveler." Winamop.
2008. Jul.   "Squamata's Rumble." The Clarity of the Night.