Imaginary Friends


© KJ Hannah Greenberg, 2013

Invisible Hedgehogs, Imaginary Komodo Dragons, and Phantom Kangaroos

By midlife, most gals have earned the right to run with wolves. Some women, however, prefer the company of smaller, cuter beasts.

First of all, the hedgies are invisible. There are enough of them to fill an entire hibernaculum. When they are awake, they enjoy eating marshmallow fluff or shooting miniature meatballs, via slingshots, from the livingroom ceiling.

These tiny creatures love to slide down the banister in mismatched socks, to chew select bits from piles of leftovers, and to otherwise provide Hannah's teenagers with excuses for fresh messes. What's more, these creatures kiss up to Hannah's husband, encouraging him to return to additional bouts of glorified code generation rather than to take out the garbage.

The hedgies have neither names nor numbers as they are accustomed to large and frequent litters and to parachuting off of the Greenbergs' rooftop porch in the company of motorcycle-riding lizards. It's also the case that given the nature of certain of their frequent expeditions into the unknown, they sometimes fail to return.

Without such muses, however, Hannah's writing would likely be stuck in frumpy mode and her essays would sound more like the drone of a rhetoric professor than the silliness of a mom who tries to to make sense out of life's middle years by frying bananas and scallions together and by pushing the resistance level on her elliptical bike.

To wit, the hedgies are culpable for all manners of woodland beasts that populate Hannah's stories and for the assorted, intergalactic beings that peer out from her pages. No writer ought to be without such wonderful make-believe friends.

Second, the Komodo dragon actually belongs to Older Dude, but elected to remain with the rest of the family when Older Dude went off to school. Given that the critter is nineteen feet long and has lethal saliva, he is low maintenance; he orders pizzas in order to snack on the delivery perons. Otherwise, he hunts for random fauna. His name, accoridngly, is Vladimir.

There are no stories, yet about Vladimir as he is a discriminating editor. For the time being, there are only stories about his distant relatives and about chimerea.

Third, nothing is known about the phantom kangaroos. Please report any citings.

Works Tributing all Beasties:

2013. Apr. "Ah, the Aardvark: Classifying Chaos in an Urban Zoo." Qarrtsiluni.

Works Featuring Hedgehogs:

2017. Feb. "Hedgie." Storm Cellar.
2016. Sep. "A Prickle of Hedgehogs Used Part of a Nose Cone." Ygdrasil.
2016. Aug. "Miserable at What the Fluff." Bewildering Stories.
2016. May. "Hedgehogs Démodés." Bewildering Stories.
2016. May. "Agent 5764's Soured Mission." Winamop.
2016. Mar. "Woodland Cacophony." Flash Fiction Magazine.
2016. Jan. "Many, Many Hedgehogs, Maybe Gumdrops." Winamop.
2014. Feb. "A Street-Crossed Lover." Doorknobs and BodyPaint.
2013. Nov. "Steps to Knowledge." Doorknobs and Bodypaint.
2013. Nov. "Of Hedgehogs, Komodo Dragons, and Other Anthropomorphized Friends." Whimsical Words.
2012. Jun. "An Investigation's Gestation." Winamop.
2011. Jun. "If Only They Could See Her Now." Freedom Fiction Journal.
2010. Aug. "Erinaceous Behavior." Flashes in the Dark.
2010. May. "Daisy Chains." Is Greater Than.
2009. Apr. "Illusionary is the Hedgehog's Strength: An Allegory." Bards and Sages. 5.
2008. Dec. " Female Troubles ." Static Movement.

Works Featuring Chimerea:

2015. Jul.  "New Heights." Winamop.
2015. Mar. "Information and Dinner." Doorknobs and Body Paint.
2012. Jun. "Replete with Fire Sleeve." Calliope. 24-26.
2011. Mar. "Professional Responsibilities." Bartleby Snopes
2010. Nov. "The Process of Becoming a Noncorporeal Being." Bewildering Stories.
2010. May. "Self-Conceit and the Befriending of a Chimera: Three Perspectives." Winamop.
2010. Feb. "Outcursed." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Nov. "Something More for the Fireplace." Winamop.
2009. Oct. "One Case of Flash." Theaker's Quarterly Fiction. 30:47-49.
2009. Aug. "Sales@liveperson." Glossolalia. 35-37.
2009. July. "Charles in the Tree Tops." Morpheus Tales. 40-41.
2009. May. "Mentally Incarcerated and Otherwise Locked Up." Static Movement.
2009. Feb. "Brutes." The New Absurdist.
2009. Jan. "First Response (Reactions to a Daylight Murder)." Getting Something Read.
2008. Oct. "Not an Imaginary Figment." 365 Tomorrows.

Works Featuring Komodo Dragons:

2017. Jan. "Ring-a-Round the Birthday." Riverbabble.
2016. Aug. "Dull, Scaly Grey Love." Doorknobs and Body Paint.
2013. Nov. "Becoming a Grfter." Bewildering Stories.
2012. Jul.  "Confabulations and Covariates." (Part of The Midadventures of Jim-Jam O'Neilly). Fiction365.
2012. May. "Higher-than-Normal-Intensity Laser Canons." (Part of The Midadventures of Jim-Jam O'Neilly). Fiction 365.
2012. Mar. "Komodo Dragons, Neodymium Flakes, and English Teachers." (Part of The Midadventures of Jim-Jam O'Neilly). Fiction365.

Works Featuring Jupiter Lobsters:

2016. Oct. "Dr. Laura Whitfield's Dream of Recycling." Bewildering Stories.
2015. Jul. "Remaining Opaque," and "A Certain Visitor." Bewildering Stories.

Works Featuring Rabbits:

2017. May. "Rabbit's Foot." Winamop.

2017. Apr. "A Knight's Round, Table Vegetable." Calliope. 23-24.

2016. Nov. "Chases and Relative Safeties." Doorknobs and Body Paint.

2016. Sep. "Except for Lops." Winamop.

Works Featuring Other Critters:

2017. Mar. "Just a Snowbird." The Ginko Tree Review. 40-46.
2017. Mar. "Gators Packed like Multinationals." Really System.
2016. Oct.  "Gone Away with Dragons."Eyedrum Periodically.
2016. Oct."The Sports of Shrimp Babies." Mad Swirl.
2016. Oct. "Peacock."Peacock Journal.
2016. Sep. "Fritzi."Winamop.
2016. Sep. "Lions of Tsfat." Fictional Cafe.
2016. Aug. "And Tentacles." Spirit's Tincture.
2016. Aug. "Ott Toby." Defenestration Magazine."
2016. Jul. "Snack Attack." Winamop.
2016. Jul. "Plump and Succulent." Flash Fiction Friday.
2016. Apr. "That Leucistic Alligator." Plum Tree Tavern.
2016. Apr. "Earthly Hosts." Perihelion SciFi.
2016. Apr. "Children's Games." Gravel.
2016. Mar. "The Ballad of Jeremy One Sock." Spark!
2015. Dec. "A Jay and Its Mate." Les Femmes Folles.
2015. Nov. "Her Bulbous Eyes." Doorknobs and Body Paint.
2015. Oct. "Some Small Lizards." Mad Swirl.
2015. Jul. "The Seldom Seen Coypu." Bewildering Stories.
2015. Jul. "Penguin Rhapsody.Fowl Feather Review.
2015. May. "Geese." Winamop.
2015. Mar. "Chickaree's Dais." Mused!
2015. Jan. "Not Partial to the Purple Falcon." Bewildering Stories.
2014. Dec. "Their Aquarium Full of Millipedes." Winamop.
2014. Nov. "Pleasure from Dangerous Reptiles Slithering under Trailer Homes." Festival Writer.
2014. Nov. "Envied like so Many Flamingos Missing Carotenoid." The Camel Saloon.
2014. Nov. "Freaky Frog King." The Camel Saloon.
2014. Nov. "Puppy Dogs and Feral Cats: An Urban Beddy-Bye." Winamop.
2014. Sep. "Caught Muskrats." Bewildering Stories.
2014. Sep. "The Unsustainability of Bugs Tracking Bread Crumbs." Mad Swirl.
2014. Jun. "Matilda's Morning." The Cat's Meow. 69-73.
2014. Jun. "Even the Rainbow Tank's Fish Saluted." The Camel Saloon.
2014. Jun. "Postmenopausal Polar Bears." BRICKrhetoric. 6-8.
2014. May. "TJ Buttercup." Doorknobs and BodyPaint
2014. Mar. "Hip Hop among the Branches." Spark!
2014. Feb. "A Street-Crossed Lover." Doorknobs and Bodypaint.
2014. Feb. "Lacy's Toe." Bound Off! podcast.
2014. Jan. "About those Codfish." Bewildering Stories.
2013. Dec. "Ode to a Cockroach." Winamop.
2013. Oct. "Home Coming." Literary Hatchet. 74-76.
2013. Oct. "The Lemur Cage." Winamop.
2013. Oct. "Puppies' Playful Stance." Winamop.
2013. Sep. "A Thing for Small Fish and Bendy Invertebrates." Doorknobs and Bodypaint.
2013. Jul. "McCragherty and the Livestock Exchange." The Bactrian Room.
2013. Apr.  "Ah, the Aardvark: Classifying Chaos in an Urban Zoo." Qarrtsiluni.
2013. Mar. "Amazing Deterrents." Bards & Sages Quarterly. 39-41.
2013. Mar. "Pigeons in Oakland." Chanticleer Magazine.
2013. Feb. "Here, Pingo Sits: Intragalactic Placement of Sentiment." Winamop.
2013. Jan. "Two Salutory Tales." Winamop.
2013. Jan. "Rerouting Talking Fish, Fidgety Parrots, and the Rest of the Menagerie." Natural Jewish Parenting.
2012. Dec. "On Not Believing the Merry-Go-Round's One-Eyed Horse." Spark!
2012. Aug. "Dratted Cat." Raphael's Village.
2012. Jul.  "Mini Might," and "The Koala Bear's Dilemma." Winamop.
2012. Jul.  "Another Dead Goldfish." Danse Macabre Dujour.
2011. Sep. "The Rule of Three." Pressboardpress. 
2011. Sep. "Fat Fish." 50 to 1.
2011. Aug. "Replacement Parts." Stanley the Whale.
2011. Jul. "(For Larina)The Lizard and the Dumpster Cats: An Allegory." Bards and Sages. 19-21.
2011. May. "Droving Away Unpleasantries." Danse Macabre.
2011. May. "Maneuvering the Facts around Strong Feelings." Bards and Sages Quarterly. 15. 
2011. May. "Calico Mirabelle." Pulp Metal Magazine.
2011. May. "Suboptimal." Bewildering Stories.
2011. Feb. "Jukim." "Middle Eastern Musings," The Jerusalem Post.
2010. Dec. "Kelev Liked to Suck the Marrow Best." Weirdyear.
2010. Nov. "First, Penguins Driving Mazdas." Dream People.
2010. Aug. "Guess my Vocation." Bewildering Stories.
2010. Jul. "Shuffling through Onion Grass: A Rhapsody about the Limits Family Can Impose on Xenography." Bewildering Stories.
2010. Apr. "Object du Jour." The Cat's Meow.
2010. Mar. "A Mother's Perspective. 51-53." Freedom Fiction Journal.
2010. Mar. "Sugar Ants." The Scrambler.
2010. Feb. "Terrorgator." 365 Tomorrows.
2009. Dec. "Powered by Gas." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Nov. "Betting on the Outfield." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Nov. "Goldie's Lie Over." Unlikely 2.0.
2009. Nov. "The Crystalline Chanticleer." Static Movement.
2009. Nov. "Taming Zebras." Soft Whispers Magazine. 16-17.
2009. Sep. "To be Millionaires, We'd have Gone into Dermatology." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Sep. "Buffaloberry and the Spacer." Winamop.
2009. Aug. "The Martian and the Potter." Freedom Fiction. 106-112.
2009. Aug. "That Thermochromatic Whatsit." Bewildering Stories.
2009. Apr. "Pattern Recognition." Wamack: A Journal of the Arts.
2009. Jan. "Secondhand Bizarre." Fictionville.
2008. Dec. "The Misguided Traveler." Winamop.
2008. Jul. "Squamata's Rumble." The Clarity of the Night.